30 things you'll only know if you work in a nursery

1. You need an interesting array of replacement swear words

It would be a lot easier if you just had a personal bleep-track. Golly gosh.

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2. No stone is left unturned…

Your bad hair day will not go unnoticed. 4-year-olds have not quite mastered subtlety…

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3. Certain words and songs have begun to lose all meaning.

No. They will not get bored of saying it. Ever.

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4. You wish you still got a lunchbox.

Seriously, some of these kids eat more ‘organic’ food every day than I have in my life.

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5. Man, you are good at colouring in.

Don’t even go close to going over those lines. What’s up.

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6. You’ve seen things. Unspeakable things.

The brown stuff genuinely doesn’t even bother you anymore.

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7. You have become a nappy change ninja.

You can get a Pampers on and off quicker than it takes Usain Bolt to run to the end of his garden.

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8. Your house is starting to resemble an episode of Art Attack.

You’re not taking all this stuff home on purpose. It just seems to…migrate.

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9. Is that a nit? It feels like a nit.

Time to get the shampoo. Better to be safe than sorry.

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10. Personal space is a non-existent concept in a nursery.

Your leg can and will be used as a climbing frame at every opportunity.

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11. Laundry day has become quite the experience.

Your pockets have become miniature treasure chests for utterly useless items.

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12. You may have forgotten how to show genuine enthusiasm.

The lines have gotten so blurry…

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13. At any one time, your body is at least 30% acrylic paint.

I don’t even want to know how it got there.

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14. You can get play-doh out of any surface.

Step back and let the real professional in.

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15. There is an unmistakable pride in every potty training win.

You earned this success damn it.

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16. You can recite around about a million children’s books off by heart.

And nobody can do the character’s voices like you.

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17. An abnormal amount of your time is spent making costumes for World Book Day.

Don’t see no office workers getting to go to work dressed like Snow White.

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18. You haven’t got this many Christmas presents since you were in nappies yourself…

At least enough wine to get you through the first week or two of January.

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19. Your roster of jokes for parents is getting more repetitive than a ‘90s pop song.

But you can’t deny that they work…

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20. You can get multiple kids to sleep in a phenomenally short time period.

You are a sorceress!

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21. “I’m not going to tell you again” does not mean “I’m not going to tell you again.”

It means, “I’ll tell you again. Soon.”

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22. Ofsted is the scariest word in the English language

This is not a drill people.

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23. You find that your ability to make a game from everything has some important real life consequences.

Who is in charge of the drinking games? You, of course.

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24. You find it much easier to play with the kids at every kind of party.

Starting to wonder if you even understand adults anymore…

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25. You prepare a room for two hours for it to be destroyed in two minutes.

All that hard work…

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26. Your loved ones resent the lack of freezer space in summer.

Yes, of course you need all of those drawers!

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27. Throwing away cardboard is the ultimate sin.

It’s a daily struggle to stop yourself rugby tackling wasteful strangers.

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28. Winter is just one, long, meandering rollercoaster of sickness.

All of the bugs.

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29. The arts and crafts aisles are dangerous for your personal finances.

I swear I only came in for some milk…

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30. And you know that you wouldn’t give it up for the world.

Although a little less bodily fluid would not go amiss….